Feeling stuck in life?
Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash
You know, you’re walking along your path and then something happens that throws you into the ditch.
It’s thick and muddy. All you can see, feel, hear, and taste is this gritty, soupy muck surrounding you. The squishy, slipperiness makes it seem so difficult to pull out of. Immediately, it’s all over you, in your hair, your mouth and all over your clothes.
What’s really holding you there?
The event which threw you into the ditch is the last thing you remember and the mud you’re stuck in are all your thoughts and beliefs about that event.
A moment in time is holding you hostage.
The greatest challenge in personal growth is understanding the connection between thoughts and emotions.
By mentally replaying events from a past which caused hurt keeps you stuck in emotions like regret, remorse, resentment, anger, worthlessness, grief, or shame. These emotions are heavy to move through, just like thick, gritty mud.
When you allow yourself to go to that event in your thoughts, it triggers the emotional responses all over again. This is how you keep yourself stuck there.
You’ve spent enough time and energy reliving the past; it’s time to regain control and rinse off all that mud.
Here are some tips to help you move from feeling stuck to moving forward.
Recognize and Feel Your Emotions
Emotions are energy in motion. This is the energy that creates feelings in the body. Recognize what you’re feeling and feel it.
Emotions must move through us if we want to be healthy and happy. The only way for that to happen is to feel them fully. If you stuff them down without acknowledging them they become stuck somewhere in the body and that’s an unnatural state of energy. According to neuroscientist Jill Bolte-Taylor in “My Stroke of Insight”, it only takes 90 seconds to release an emotion. The physical sensations of adrenalin, heat rising to the face, tightness in the throat, rapid heartbeat all arise, peak and dissipate on their own.
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“Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated.” — Jill Bolte Taylor
Making excuses to change is where suffering happens. Yes, some challenging, hurtful experiences have happened in your life, no doubt.
Even so, only you can choose to move forward.
Only you can decide to take that first step out of the mud.
Process how you feel. This takes time and mindful curiosity. Then gently work on pulling yourself out.
Feel the pain without building on the attachment to the pain. When you’re attached to an emotion, it comes along with a story. Stop telling yourself the story of the experience and just let the emotion play through.
Forgive Everyone Involved — Especially Yourself
Forgiveness is not letting anyone off the hook. It’s about letting go of your attachment to the story.
I know it can be hard to think of forgiving someone who hurt you terribly. I’ve had trouble in my past with this.
“Forgiveness is no longer an option, but a necessity for healing.” — Caroline Myss
Once I realized I was only hurting myself over a situation that happened in the past, I was able to forgive.
So for your own sake, let go.
Believe it or not, most things people do are not about you. Peoples’ actions and comments may seem directed toward you but they’re really much more about themselves.
This story from the Buddha about resentment is a great explanation. The story goes that resentment is like picking up a lump of hot coal that was meant to be thrown at somebody else. In continually holding the coal, you are the one suffering the burn.
By holding onto any negative feelings over past hurts, you’re harming yourself much more than anyone else.
Only you can create the life you want, and I’ll bet it’s not the life that vibrates on the same frequency as resentment or anger.
Find The Gems
The gems are everywhere when you start looking for them. Every experience has one for us.
People often find it hard to forgive or let go because they’re looking for closure. What if there’s nothing to close, only welcome?
Instead of looking for closure; look for the lesson. The lesson is where you find all the closure you need.
“Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons we didn’t think we needed to know.” — Anonymous
Photo by Barış Selcen on Unsplash
You may never understand someone else’s position and they may never understand yours. After all, who’s fighting for this closure — the ego or the soul?
The gem, with it’s sparkling brilliance is the lesson the soul needs to thrive.
Falling in the ditch and trudging through the mud need only be a blip in your life experience. Be grateful for what it taught you.
Isn’t it time to stop sacrificing your happiness? You can change things by standing up and choosing more for yourself.
You’re worth so much more than you know.
You can do this.
Keep going.